Your Crime Log
Robert Press
Issue date: 3/8/07 Section: News
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Midnight
Education Building
Officers were dispatched to the new Education Building in response to reports of hapless future educators of America getting stuck in the elevator.
The trapped individuals were stuck between the first and second floors. An electrician on staff came by to help the students out of their small metal box, and the elevator was shut down for the evening until its manufacturer, United Elevator, could be notified.
For those wondering what a life in elevator repair is like, please note that it has its ups and downs.
Feb. 21, 2007
2:00 p.m.
Westby Hall
A female using the restrooms on the first floor stated that she found in her stall a 2" x 2" piece of paper with the word "BOMB" written on it.
The woman, who had probably been dropping some bombs of her own at the time, decided that this Post-It note was a threat to the security of the campus and phoned Public Safety.
After an extensive check of the building, Public Safety deemed the bomb threat "uncredible" and allowed all in Westby Hall to resume their activities.
Feb. 23, 2007
1:32 a.m.
Bosshart Hall
As if being condemned weren't humiliating enough, Bosshart Hall found itself victim to public urination.
Officers on patrol stumbled upon a New Jersey resident simply standing next to the building and urinating on its glorious brick façade.
The suspect was issued a summons and allowed to go on his way.
Feb. 24, 2007
2:39 a.m.
Townhouses
Officers were dispatched to the Townhouses to check on a noise complaint and possible fight in progress.
Upon arrival, the officers met with an angry and inebriated male who was standing outside of the Townhouse itself. The suspect was obviously intoxicated and out of breath. His response to the officers' arrival was to shout vulgarities and threaten violence.
The officers, having already been more than patient at this point, kept asking the suspect what was going on.
His reply was a constant "Lock him up! Lock him up!"
The officers handcuffed the suspect, placed him in custody and drove him to police headquarters.
On the way, the suspect insisted that he would not speak to the officer and demanded to have access to a lawyer before answering any questions. The officer informed the suspect that there were no questions to ask and that he could see a lawyer when he went to court.
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